The London Boat Show With UKSA

Friday 5th January

I should have guessed when the alarm clock didn’t go off this morning and we all over slept that things weren’t going to go as smoothly as I would like today. There is something about waking at 8.00 when it should have been 7.00 that seriously takes you off your stride!
          Now I am bored out of my tiny mind as our train has broken down and we are averaging a painful 20 miles an hour to Preston which means I have missed the London connection.
Preston hasn’t turned out to be much better. We trundled into the station at 12.05 and spotted the 11.56 London train still at the platform. (At least we guessed it was the London train, all the information screens were out of order.) So we scrambled over the bridge and piled onto the train and were just settling into our seats when the intercom came on saying that this train was now broken and the service was cancelled. So we all piled off and waited for the 12.49.
Which I am currently on. I even have a seat. Perhaps things are improving!

Day Two Of Boat Show. 6th January

It’s been over 24 hours since I arrived but I have been so busy and having so much fun I haven’t had a chance to write.
Having had to scrape myself off the floor once I heard the cost of the underground ticket (now as much for a single one way as an entire day pass cost me in my London days) I made my way out to the show on the new DLR link. Very posh.
I arrived at the show, texted Ciaran to say I was here and nothing. No one arrived. So after waiting twenty minutes I ‘conned’ my way in, (surprisingly easy to do) and made my way to the stand.

The show is just phenomenal (The ExCel company charge the boat show around £3’500 000 just for the use of the space!) and right in the middle, the UKSA stand was something else, easily one of the best in over 600 exhibitors. Everyone working on the stand in their neat navy UKSA T-Shirts looked friendly, professional and approachable.

24 hours in, the feedback from Joe public about the stand has been brilliant. Full of interactive games like sail hoists, rowing races, wet weather gear races, rope tying and more, UKSA is one of the best. Not least of all a huge hit with parents who are dragging bored children around the show.
In fact a little lad on the rowing machine competition got so enthusiastically competitive he popped right out of his shoes leaving two bright white trainers somewhat forlornly strapped into the footplates. (Poor Ciaran nearly had a heart attack with visions of broken bones and lawsuits!)

*****

I am trying to write but we are in the saloon of the boat and everyone has come back and we’re all a little hyper at the end of a long day. There is a lot a laughter and it is virtually impossible to concentrate so I’ll sign off and write again later. We are off to dinner with the owner/MD (?) of Sweden Yachts , Peter Johansen.

****

A 70 foot Sweden Yacht. Very nice! It’s on my shopping list…!

Well it’s 1.07 in the morning and we have just had a brilliant evening. Right now everyone is crawling into bed in various states of dress in an effort to combat the chill and damp. I am fast learning that yachts in the UK winter feel soggy at best. In fact the condensation literally rains down on us and the bulkhead behind my back right now is wet to touch.
I have also learnt that I should have bought a right handed sleeping bag as this would have made a big difference to my comfort. (Who would have thought?! Did you know sleeping bags come in rights and lefts? Hmmm. Me neither.)

On our boat, Falcon, a forty two footer, we have Chris (Sales Manager) Ciaran (Marketing manager) Jeremy (schools manager) John (CEO) Anna (PR) Flick (sales) and me.

My introduction to the team off stand started with a vengeance and left no room for shyness, (not that you can really be shy with this lot). We’d no sooner arrived on board than the wine was pulled out and I was introduced to FurTV. A movie made by Jeremy’s brother and sold (satisfactorily I gather) to MTV.
Based in a world where humans and puppets interact in a more than somewhat pornographic way it was incredibly funny and certainly broke any remaining ice!

( I don’t mean to be rude but any ideas where Jeremy’s brother got his inspiration from?? LOL Sorry....)

Now the boat itself is nice and friendly, (ours is on the right) despite the indoor precipitation but we can’t use the loo for anything more than a wee so we have to visit the fancy yacht hotel next door for the rest.

The HMS St Albans
For actual showers themselves, we are using the facilities on the naval frigate 400 yards away. However I feel the term ‘facility’ is somewhat euphemistic. There is nothing facile at all about the whole exercise!

Picture us this morning making our way over for a shower. Five of us in a row, with me somewhat uneasy because I have already heard the tales from the others. First I have to blag my way through security (this, you will find, is a recurring theme!) because I still have no pass. Then we make our way onto this enormous vessel past a parade of well turned out handsome navy guys (naturally I’m feeling most attractive after a rough night!).

We then navigate our way below to the showers, skirting a hatch that says (no word of a lie) Danger, Torpedoes may fire without warning. (!!!!!!!!! I had to take a photo to prove it!)

Now the showers are not what my imagination has lead me to anticipate. Not at all. Picture a tiny damp room (two showers and one loo for twenty people) where the naval crew are absolutely comfortable in the altogether, feeling nothing about parading in front of strangers in the complete nude.
I stand there in slightly wide eyed with surprise (even though I had been primed about this) while I try and pluck up courage to join them. Having done so I then discover that the showers are cold. Well the Navy lot are in and out without a whinge. Us softies shower to a chorus of gasps and wheezes and whimpers. Feeling more than refreshed than planned and slightly hysterical I pull on my now damp clothes and head back to our boat.
Flick and I have however timed things rather badly and meet boarding dignitaries at the top of the gangplank. Well! Naval crew are saluting left, right and centre and there’s Flick still with a towel wrapped around her head and me with my hair dripping, clutching my shopping bag of toiletries. The navy bigwigs having accepted all the salutes as their rightful due catch sight of us and are obviously so flabbergasted they forget themselves to such an extent that they actually nod to us. This so discomforts all the navy crew around us that they shuffle us off the boat so fast they don’t even give a chance to sign out!

What a start for the day. Still with no security pass I wrangled my way through four more lots of security and blow dried my hair in the loos sitting on the floor using the hand dryers then headed up to the stand.

First up was Ellen McArthur. What a lovely person she is but so tiny! You just imagine that someone who can take on what she has must be big. She can’t be more than five four or five but a really unassuming, easy person. She doesn’t seem in your face or pleased with herself like you sometimes get.
(Although she did give Jeremy a look when he called her Dame instead of Ellen!)

Ciaran gave me a UKSA Staff shirt to wear which turned out to be an interesting move and I spent my day fielding sailing questions when I barely know the difference between a jib and a spinnaker.
We had various other interesting people on the stand but no one who topped Ellen when it came to dignity and manners.
She autographed a postcard for a child, perhaps around 7 or 8 years old but very slight and I watched the little girls face.
You would have thought she had been given the Holy Grail. She just glowed. Standing there, her whole little body tight with pleasure as she stared at the card, absolutely enraptured. I wonder if she will be an Ellen McArthur of the next generation. Whatever, I feel she will remember the moment for a long long time to come.
I guess that this is part of what the show for UKSA is all about. UKSA is a registered charity and a non profit making organisation that will take people like this little girl and give her the opportunity to be an Ellen McArthur if it’s what she truly wants to be. And the drive behind the organisation to achieve the goal of helping people like this little girl is wonderful to watch.

Lunch was an interesting experience as we ate in the staff canteen. A more hideous meal I have seldom come across but at least it was cheap. (Ish)
When I came back from lunch to my horror Jeremy cornered me and got me to talk on loud speaker about Superyachts along with Dee Caffari and someone else. I got the feeling Dee was just as appalled as I was. I felt decidedly Hoi Polloi by her standards.

After a very long day on the stand we headed back to the boat and got ready to go out with Peter, declining an invitation to join the crew on the navy frigate for drinks at 7, feeling that there was little I could do there to redeem myself after the fright of the morning.

Dinner was wonderful. Excellent food and great company. 12 of us joined Peter, (Swedish naturally enough given the Sweden Yachts) who I found myself sitting next to. What a nice man. No airs and graces, just lovely manners and so friendly. I found myself trying to emulate Susan, who is so good in these situations, making people feel comfortable and easy but as Peter was so nice it would have been hard not to feel relaxed. He’d had a good day, selling a yacht which was brilliant. He was hoping for two sales on Sunday!
[Update – no sales but very pleased with some of the ground work laid on Sunday.]

At midnight we called it a day and headed back to the boat. I felt I was really getting back into the swing of this yachting thing as I was able to negotiate the tricky trip from wharf to our boat, clambering over another yacht that lay between the two, despite having drunk white wine, red wine, B52’s (Cointreau, Bailey’s and Kahlua) and  beer (I don’t even like beer!!) during the course of the evening. (The worrying thing about this is I still felt pretty sober and I wonder what that says about my alcohol intake!)

We then sat at the saloon table for an hour drinking Ciaran’s excellent hot chocolate and talking about the day. Which brings me to now, 1.45 am and as everyone knows I am well used to writing at this time of the day! Everyone else on board is asleep, the water is lapping at the hull and we are swaying very gently, it’s chilly but peaceful and my battery on my laptop is about to die.
My big concern for tomorrow is do I brave the navy boat and cold shower or do I flannel wash in the sink at the Yacht hotel. Hmmmm. My life is full of edgy choices.

Boat Show Day Three

After two hours sleep I am not at my best but I am pleased to report that once more showers and lavatory visits were an adventure!!!
I stumbled off the yacht at 8.00 to try and clear my head and scope out the possibilities of a flannel wash in the loos in the Sunborn Yacht Hotel. To my delighted amusement, this huge yacht, with bedrooms at well over £100 a night, found themselves with no hot water.
Thus my indecision was neatly resolved and as I left the poor receptionist was seriously getting it in the neck from dozens of irate guests.
So after an excellent breakfast of bacon and scrambled egg courtesy of Ciaran I bit the bullet and headed back to HMS St Albans for my shower. (Waving my false pass with cheerful abandon through two security checkpoints.)
What a difference today! Hot water in abundance and the wrens took pity on me and took me to their crew mess to use their hair dryer so I was feeling decidedly perkier when I headed back to our boat. All I needed was another six hours sleep and life would have been just hunky dory!

*****

The stand is quieter today which is why I can write. I still have no proper security pass so now use a borrowed one. The picture on it is of a very attractive dark haired girl who could not look less like me if she tried. A security guard actually asked me for the pass and looked at the picture and still let me through.  (???)
John suggested the next pass should be one borrowed from one of the boys just to see what happened. I felt, while I didn’t mind being mistaken for Sam, being taken for one of the boys was a step further than I was prepared to go!

It’s been a really good day. UKSA have had some high quality requests for further info on the courses and have been pretty busy on a consistent basis throughout the day which is brilliant. In fact I gather they exceeded the days target well before 1 o’clock.

For me personally, the highlight of my day was when Amir Esmiley, Principal Surveyor with the MCA Marine Office (Maritime and Coastguard Agency) ambled over to our stand and spotted my book. He started browsing idly through it, obviously unaware of my connection then got more and more intrigued and started insisting that the MCA as an organisation should use my book in an advisory capacity when it came to dealing with queries from people wanting to know more.

As he didn’t know that I had written it I kept quiet (you know how I’m useless at self publicity) but John, not having any of it, introduced us. I find it very peculiar as I never dreamt, ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever that MY book would even be suggested for use by the MCA and certainly not as a reference book! In fact I was so thrown I had to leave the stand early and come back to the boat to nurse a headache!
Which is where I am right now. I am contemplating doing the washing up but don’t know how to operate the water. Turning on the taps results in absolutely nothing. Additionally the wind has well and truly got up and I have just had the fright of my life as the electronics board with all it’s pretty coloured lights has just detached itself and crashed resoundingly onto the navigation table.
Suddenly I feel very lonely!!! Where is everyone??!

*****
Everyone is back, I’m safe, the electronic doodah is safe and I am cooking mince while Ciaran and Chris do a mercy dash for more wine.
It’s been such a long time since I cooked on gimbals the whole exercise is proving interesting. That, added to the pitch and sway of the boat, makes me feel as if I have had far more to drink than I actually have.

We have turned down an invitation to the 007 James Bond Casino Royale, Sunseeker exhibitors party in favour of staying on board and relaxing. Everyone is suddenly exhausted and the thought of dressing up and partying doesn’t enthral so we are going to stay at home and ‘bond’ in a different way. (I know, I know, sooo corny!!!).

It’s been such fun so far and everyone has been so friendly and nice it’s hard to imagine that just four days ago they were all complete strangers to me.
Ciaran is a great cook and has made a delicious meal, (giving me an excellent tip for cooking pasta on a boat which I can’t wait to practise) and somehow we have managed to polish off nearly four litres of wine between five of us in very short order. Anna has collapsed into bed and Chris and I are watching Ciaran and Flick play Cribbage. Looks very complicated! (Or maybe that because of the wine?)

08 January

Got to bed at about midnight and as usual was awake at around 1.30. The wind was gusting quite fiercely at this point and the boat was decidedly bouncy, halyards clanking overhead. I lay in my wrong handed sleeping bag feeling warm and safe and peaceful. But sadly not sleepy!
Don’t know what time I eventually feel back to sleep but woke feeling refreshed to the sound of Ciaran putting on the kettle and starting the bacon and eggs. (He is such a good boy! I could really get used to this!)

Given that today is going home day we eschewed Naval showers as we heard the water was cold again and hand showered with the cold water on board. (Home cold water is somehow easier to deal with than strangers cold water.)

Being Monday the stand was very quiet. I met Cally, the UKSA careers manager, this morning and just would have loved to have had time to talk to her more. She was so interesting. She has just come back from a three year sail around the world essentially, as I understand it, hitching and working rides from continent to continent on various yachts. She wants to write a book about her adventures and I really hope she does, I can’t wait for it to be out. I’ll certainly be buying a copy. How wonderful to live life so seriously outside the square.
Because things were quiet I spent sometime wandering around the show visiting, amongst others, the breast cancer team who are doing the Falmouth to Azores race to raise awareness of the disease.

Flick and I visited Peter’s stand (Sweden Yachts) as he wanted me to drop by with a copy of the book. His yacht is absolutely beautiful, only around £250 ‘000 in the water (?!). His company motto is ‘Because the world is two thirds water’. We decided that, what with global warming, this will soon read three quarters water and that, with this in mind, I had better make a purchase soon.
Next we headed to the sunseekers stand and had a look at the Predators. An absolutely stunning yacht. In fact of all the motor yachts I have ever been on I don’t think I have ever seen such a neatly put together boat. With very very clever design, awesome finish and perfect balance it certainly pushed my buttons. Sadly at £1’600 000 I don’t think it will be on my shopping list for a while yet.

Then it was time to leave and it was really sad to say goodbye to everyone. Ciaran has extended an open invitation for to go done and do a sailing course with the children so we will look at going down at Easter or possibly Feb half term. He has also asked me to go down to the isle of Wight every few months to offer careers advice. Not only will this be a pleasure to do he will also pay me! (Honestly, my life just gets better and better!)
Finally he mentioned something about doing a stand in March/April at the OneLife (?) exhibition in London, designed to get people out of their ruts and open their minds to new lives, new careers, new possibilities. So many people talk about yachting, changing their lives doing something new and different but never actually do it. Seeing my book and the UKSA sailing and watersports options might spur them on to live a little.

Euston Train Station - The Home Stretch

I am sitting in the burger king with a peg leg pigeon making himself at home underfoot. My head phones are on in a vain attempt to avoid all the beggars who are hassling me for money.
I have just had the most fascinating tube ride into Euston sitting next to this weird Austrian woman, immaculately dressed with bright magenta hair and blood red lipstick. Probably in her fifties she was utterly mesmerizing.
On her way to companies house she was tracing someone who had obviously done the dirty on her business wise. I asked if she thought she would find him and she said in that quiet but certain way that some people have, ‘Oh yes.’ And it gave me the absolute shivers. Shades of Kathy Bates in Misery.
Anyway she was showing me a short cut to Euston station which I knew wasn’t a shortcut at all and probably added around 15 minutes to the journey but she was so interesting I took her advice just so I could travel with her but I consequently missed my train and I now have a three hour wait here. Which I don’t really mind. At least it gives me time to people watch and catch up on this letter.

The final comment I have to make about the show is about, naturally enough, the security passes.

I managed to spend the entire four days without a proper pass, passing through checkpoints countless times but the incident that sticks in my mind the most was when one security guard laughingly asked the team as we passed through en masse, ‘Do you all have passes?’
‘Yes,’ everyone shouted.
‘Any of them fake?’ he asked.
‘Yes,’ I said.
He looked at me and laughed disbelievingly then let us through!!!!!!!! I must have a face with innocence written all over it.

Final final Note

I’m on the train on the way home. Naturally enough there is a problem. Apparently a freight train has broken down ahead of us and we have a forty minute diversion which puts me late into Preston and I miss my connection to St Anne’s… sigh. Isn’t it lucky that I don’t get stressed about these sorts of things!