Relationships and Couples on Board

Friendships, romantic entanglements, blood feuds. Working as crew can be a breeding ground for all of these. Some friendships forged as crew may last for decades but this is rare. It is an extremely transient way of life and, not only might you have a crew made up of twelve different nationalities, you will also find you will have at least four or five crew changes during your time onboard. Keeping up with friends on a long term basis when they are thousands of miles away is hard work and many crew give up the fight as lost before it even starts. But, having said that, the growing use of e-mail to keep in contact does mean that staying in touch is significantly easier.

Couples on Board
This subject is a hot potato! There are many angles to it; starting out and finding work as a couple, getting romantically involved with another crew member, working with couples and working as couples.
Finding work as a couple is very tough and your chances of finding work as a couple used to be diminished by as much as 87%. This is now changing and there are new builds out there that are even building double cabins for captains and senior crew. However it is still much harder to find a job as a couple than as a single person.

Some vessels maintain an outright ‘No Couples’ policy. The reasons behind this are fairly complex. The first issue raised is what happens when one member of the couple is a very hard worker and really pulls his or her weight. The partner, however, is lazy and inefficient. The captain is put on the spot. If he fires the partner, the hard worker is bound to get sore and leave too. It can be very complicated.

Another scenario is what happens when the relationship falls apart. When you are all living together in such close proximity, the chances of keeping a crumbling relationship secret are impossible. Have you ever been able to have a blazing row in silence? Atmospheres arise, festering! Everyone feels as if they are treading on eggshells. Friends start taking sides. It doesn’t take long for a happy crew to disintegrate completely.

Captains with a chief stew/chef partner are the couples that are most likely to find a job together. If you are part of a couple looking for a job together and things are not progressing on the job front it is best to take two separate jobs and wait for a vacancy on either boat where you can apply to join your partner.
Getting romantically involved with another crew member is not unusual and, although it can cause all sorts of onboard politics, this is probably the easiest relationship to maintain. However bear in mind the fact that crews are frequently multi-national. When the time comes to leave the yachts behind and move on into civilian life, being involved with a foreign national can cause much heartbreak. Many tough choices must be made and some relationships simply can’t stand up to the strain. Finally, if you do manage to find a job on board working with your partner, there is no guarantee that you will be able to share a cabin.

Working with couples
While some couples do an admirable job and work well together, keeping their relationship private and mixing sociably with the rest of the crew, there are others who have no idea how to maintain a romantic partnership in a crowded living environment. These make it very difficult for the other crew.
Another element that can cause problems is the fact that frequently the couple in question is the captain and stewardess or chef. Should either of the partnership prove unpleasant to work with for any reason, getting the situation resolved is doubly difficult. Complaining to the captain about the failings of his partner can be very awkward and you may end up putting yourself out of a job.

Leaving a partner at home
While the yachting industry is full of people who are young, free and single, there are also a number of crew who are in long term relationships, married or not. Maintaining a long distance relationship is very hard work and it is not helped by the fact that many of the people that you are mixing with are frequently actively looking for a partner themselves. With one partner ashore, leading a very different life, distance can be a fertile ground for infidelity. A relationship where you spend most of your time apart needs special care and attention.

Captain and wife/partner team
From a captain and partner perspective, there will probably come a time when the wife (more commonly) becomes disenchanted with yachting itself or finds that her career prospects are limited or perhaps her biological clock has started to sound like the crocodile from Peter Pan. She decides to move ashore and follow up other options.

Conditions are ripe for infidelity and/or just plain growing apart. You are stuck in a situation where you spend most of your time apart and it takes a special and strong relationship to cope with this sort of strain. It is best to approach this with your eyes wide open and fully aware of the pitfalls that you might face. Do not despair. Many couples manage to maintain an excellent partnership whilst living apart. In fact some even thrive on it!